i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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