Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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