Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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