Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
