I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
