Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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