When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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