found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
