you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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