Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
