I bet he comes in French.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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