Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
