I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
