So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
