She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
