Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
