So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
