The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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