Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Randomize