also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Blood and glitter go together right?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
