can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
