He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
