that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I want a musical about memes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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