his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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