So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
