I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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