Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
