Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
