I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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