who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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