I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
