She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.