I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
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Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Use "feeling words"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!