well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
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i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?