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We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
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