You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
