I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
