my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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