I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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