I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
