drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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