why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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