you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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