She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
