omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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