I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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