I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
