when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
