that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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