I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
