I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She's the barista slut.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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