You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
