Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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