my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize