I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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