I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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