Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
