she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
