Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
