I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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