I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
