she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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