Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Boobs speak an international language.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
