dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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