I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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