how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
