I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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