peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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