a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
