I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
